Category Archives: sociology

Could you handle that?

Well,  it has started….The Holiday season rush. It’s seems we can never slow down even during regular, mundane days but the Special days provide us with that extra adrenaline kick and agitation keeps us on the edge. I observe every season the same routine that we go through. We do all those things so we can celebrate and embrace each other as a family and friends. I wish that was the case. Normally Thanksgiving or Christmas time is a time of acute realization how disconnected we are not only from our own friends or family members but from the fellows that we encounter on a daily basis at the store, post office or at the park.

We stopped celebrating, we just go through motions. We hunger for understanding, love, compassion or in other words simple validation of our existence. Unfortunately we forgot or maybe we never even understood how to find the the true core of each Holiday that we spent on so much energy every time. We can be understanding and inviting to a family member but we fume with anger at the clerk at the grocery store or gas station.

Equilibrium exists only in the text books. We all yearn to achieve that sweet state of mind, where everything makes sense and everyone connects with us as we please.

I remember when I was a child, I spent most of time playing around at the playground with my friends. We laughed, we argued, we enjoyed our company, but most of  all we learned what it meant to have a deep connection and a sense of belonging.  Nowadays I see children carrying around their parent’s smart phones watching cartoons or videos while their family is running daily errands. How will they identify their own place in this world among others when from their early age they are taught to ignore others and their surroundings.

I wonder how would you celebrate your Holidays without all the bells and whistles. No fancy dinner, no candies, no gifts, but a meaningful conversation, a real connection, a nice gesture, meaningful smile. Could you handle that?


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Success can be define in so many ways, because each person aims to achieve different goals. Generally speaking success is usually measured by the wealth and influence one possesses. You wonder, what are the tools to be on the top of the game, and the reality is that in the hindsight we can see the missed opportunities but then it might be way too late.

One time at the gym I saw two personal trainers applying their well thought exercise regimen to help their students lose unwanted extra pounds. It made me wonder why those two clients decided to take advantage of extra help. I’m pretty sure they knew how to use basic equipment at the gym and if not they could easily obtain that knowledge with just one click on the internet.

The secret ingredient to the successful physical transition is motivation. Consider this, maybe if they had someone to encourage them on a daily basis they wouldn’t reach for food to comfort them.

If validation and positive recognition was on our daily menu we wouldn’t stray away from our goal. How hard it is to stay focused, stay on point when we are surrounded by constant judgment and critique. We do that to ourselves, we compare how much we have, how well we live, how many connections we have, how wealthy we are.  How often do we boast about others? How often do we stand on the baseline and encourage those who can never repay us?

Great success is the one that you made possible for others to achieve what they were craving for. We need to take “I” and “me” from the daily vocabulary in order to see what the victory looks like. Those two people at the gym wouldn’t have to shed any pounds if they had someone in their life to step in and fill the gap that they decided to fill with extra portion of some food. I bet you heard on Oprah show when she asked “what are you hungry for”, but instead have you ever asked that same question someone else, “what are they hungry for”.

This past Paribas Tournament in tennis, I watched underdog Babos vs. Lepchenko. In the middle of the match Babos showed a sign of resignation by shaking her head and it seemed to me she was about to let go and let Lepchenko win. I’m pretty sure she would if not for her coach who despite negative forecast that Babos was sharing with him during each break he was relentless in redirecting his player and motivating her to reach for courage that anything is possible when you believe. What’s even more important that she had someone to believe in her more than she believed in herself and that’s what ultimately in my opinion got her through the match with successful outcome 2:1.

Don’t’ be a Champion for Champion’s sake be a motivation for some else’s sake. That’s how you change the world.

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Unachievable Common Ground?

argumentHave you noticed the landscape of every political show, or any show for that matter? There are usually two people each representing their own spectrum of ideas and  so called unbiased arbiter to keep the flow of the conversation undisturbed.  Sometimes when I watch those shows I get the impression that none of the people who come to shed a light on their concepts display even a tiny bit of ability to lean in towards the opponents’ views.

The stubbornness comes from the conviction that what I think makes more sense and it will work. On the other hand, what the opponent suggests is ridiculous and it will only complicate the world as it is.

Whatever the topic is, the main characteristics of the fierce opponents are extravagance, pomposity, pretensions, and impunity. Their main object is to purge as many arguments as they can in a limited frame of time, and of course to utter the last word.

Is that how we want to solve any disputes or disagreements? Why not utilize all that energy into reasonable solution. The common ground is possible only when two parties are rational and ready for a healthy dialogue. The listening skills are very distinctive tools to find the resolution that will serve others.

How come hearing often replaces listening? We hear so many opinions, but have lost the ability to listen and reach out to those who are too timid to even whisper a word. In order to listen we have to embrace others idea, try to walk in their shoes for a day and be quiet for awhile.

Lets consider that maybe something important could pass us by in this loud world of opinions if we don’t embrace silence for a while. To let someone else than yourself be right for once is a sign of greatness.

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Research: Conventional vs. convenient

searchAs times goes by the conventional research fades away gracefully left  in a dust by rapidly expanding convenient way of online research.

How many people still go to the library and get lost in an alley filled with books? Going to libraries became such an inconvenience since internet  settled in into our busy lives. When you need the answer all you have to do is to locate your nearest tech device such as smart phone or laptop and you are just one click away from finding some kind of answer. The question remains regarding accuracy of the solutions you are given at the moment of your online research. Do you check only the websites that appear on the first page? What criteria are you utilizing when performing online search?

How do you know which website carries the most precise answer? Maybe convenience of internet makes us a little bit lazy  and we could easily get trapped when not paying attention to the source that provides the information.

I believe internet can be a great source when it comes to research. We just can’t forget that convenience does not mean we don’t have to put an effort to look deeper and spend countless hours on finding the answers, the same way as we used to spend many hours in the libraries searching through pages of different books.

Undeniably, our research methods have changed, but the core of analysis should stay untouched.  Let’s not forget that SEO- Search Engine Optimization is not as straight forward as Library’s Catalog.

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Recognition under one condition

loudWhen you turn on TV or browse the internet, the first common theme is about recognition. Every business wants to be visible, every person craves validation. The question remains as how we accomplish our recognition, which lately becomes for many as a perplexing endeavor.

We have to admit recognition becomes our daily chore. If you own a company, you want to attract as many customers as possible. If you want to become popular you have to make yourself visible. If you want to have friends you have to somehow find a common ground with others.

Let me explain something here. For some reasons nowadays, in order to achieve all those things mentioned above, you have to be LOUD, ENERGETIC, OUTGOING, CONFIDENT. In other words, there is no room for introverts anymore. Timid means weak.

And that makes me wonder. If everyone was an Alpha Person, people would never be able to get along, businesses wouldn’t be able to conduct their team efforts.

It is all about setting the right standards accordingly to each person. The advertisement world is full of loud commercials, where you can be the winner under certain conditions. You can be successful only if you are:

  •  confident
  • energetic
  •  fast
  • efficient
  • …..and of course lose weight

I believe everyone is talented, just not in the same manner. We can’t evaluate people based on their personalities. Timid people can contribute to the society as well.  Introverts are essential to bring balance into the world.

Don’t we crave for talented people with integrity. If we ask everyone to be certain way,  it means we ask some of them to pretend and be fake. Let’s not mold people accordingly to the current fashion.  Let everyone embrace their talents based on their abilities not the stereotypes. That way we let people utilize their whole potential, without changing who they really are.

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